As a good
communist, I peregrinated to Moscow and Beijing to visit Lenin and Mao
respectively. And if I can I will visit Chavez
when he’s mounted in the museum display.
I know that
seems silly, to go on a pilgrimage to see Chavez in a museum, but it is a quasi-religious
tradition adopted by the communist community. Besides, the idea is not to pray to the dead,
because communists don’t believe in
anything. The idea is
to stand in line for many hours and then come back with a postcard showing
the dead in his glass casket. That gives
one special status, like a Catholic who goes to see Santiago de Compostela, the
apostle who saved the Spanish when he jumped on a horse and helped defeat the
Muslims at the Battle of Clavijo.
Of course,
Santiago is different. I don’t think he really rode on a white horse and killed
seventy thousand Muslims in one day. But
the belief that this occurred allowed a handful of Spanish to defeat the Moors.
The problem
we have is that neither Lenin nor Mao help in a battle for communism. They are completely useless. To show you how crappy they are serving as communist totems, today the Soviet Union doesn’t
exist. Communist China was delivered
by its own leaders into the claws of savage capitalism with such relish that today China has more inequality than the Yankee empire.
Hell, the Chinese are so sold out the only
thing they are lacking is being part of the British empire. Those quislings are capable of requesting the British monarch to serve as their head of state, and be available to bitch at the Politburo when it misbehaves. Hell, if they do join up, they would become part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain, Northern
Ireland and China! That'll be a huge empire. Take note, Yankees.
Returning
to the main theme, we Communists could worship a politician who has been dead for a while. We could try to find somebody like St. Vincent de Paul, who founded the Congregation of the Mission
intended to help the poor, and also helped form the Congregation of the
Daughters of Charity. This saint is highly respected and is in a glass coffin
for people to see. San Vicent used to say "helping the poor is to be preferred to anything else",
this could be the new communist party slogan!
The problem
I see with this approach is that if
people really believe it and expect it to be fulfilled, we party leaders won’t
get the large houses, or that extra share we have coming. And then all this communist talk isn’t worth it. So I think it's best to have
a seasoned saint like Santiago, who fights with a sword but also has a
reputation for helping the poor without overdoing the last part. We need an icon to help us kill seventy thousand capitalists in one day when we have to do it. And let's cut back on the helping the poor part, please. It is best to have a symbol of saintliness who fights real hard, and help us to bury the empire, as Nikita
Khrushchev told us we would do someday.
Chavez can serve this role. His body has to be preserved and displayed. But I am of
the opinion that we must go further, and
adopt a modern practice to preserve the body, so he can really serve us as a powerful icon
for many years.
Embalming corpses is common practice in the United
States. The yanks even have college courses for embalmers, and embalming
has become big business. People, we can’t
continue copying the Yankee empire all
the time. This is disgusting. Plus they say the Russian embalmers Maduro hired gave up and say he's too ripe to put through the treatment. So we have to do something different and original. We have to have a little imagination from time to
time. My proposal is to have the body of former President Hugo Chavez plasticized
or plastinated and displayed in a fierce pose. If possible with a riding stick
in his hand. Mounted this way, Chavez will give us a boost we can’t possibly get
from a dead man stuck in a glass case.
What does plastinated
mean? Plastination is a technique developed by German chemist Gunther von Hagens. He
is the one who runs the Body Works (Koeperwelten) exbihit. Plastination involves several steps: 1. the body is placed in a tub full of
acetone, which replaces the natural fluids; 2; pressure is lowered and this evaporates
the acetone, and the vapors are removed; 3. plastic polymers are placed in the tub, they penetrate the body
and turn it into something like a plastic statue.
Plastination is much better
than embalming. It meets Maduro’s desire that Chavez's body last forever. Or at
least for a thousand years. I think
it's a great idea. It's original, has never been used on a politician’s corpse, and the body can be
mounted in a way that inspires us Chavez followers to fight hard for communism.
I propose a pose showing Chavez mounted on a horse, placed on a pedestal in a museum hall where the faithful
can see it close up, something like this:
People, I
know it's radical, and some of you will have a bit of nausea, but it must be done,
because capitalism isn’t going to surrender
easily. And if the Chinese really do get into the British
Empire, it will be really tough to convince anyone to cooperate with us so we can
build the communist workers' paradise.
Please support this idea, pass the word
along to your friends, and let's see if we convince the Politburo to do it.
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Footnote 1. The “Babalao” is a witch doctor in the Caribbean
“Santeria” cult. The white dress indicates the person is pure and can
communicate with the spirits of the dead. Maduro apparently thinks he can convey the idea that Chavez speaks
through him by dressing in white. There are rumours around, they say Chavez
practiced Santeria and had Bolivar’s body disinterred and used in Santeria rites. Some believers in Santeria and the related
Maria Lionza cult think Bolivar’s ghost became enraged when Chavez took him out
of the grave, and killed Chavez with a deadly cancer.
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